Turn off the T.V.

Turn off the T.V.

"You always admire what you really don't understand." -Blaise Pascal

January 26, 2015 3:35pm

Peace. I had it, have leftovers, we all dig deep for it. A time of it, in my world, has been at the heart of a continuous strive and progressive changing. Specifically, silence opened its doors. Not much of it has been encountered in my experiences, with the exception of before the rustles of day, and after the settling of night. I would allow my thoughts to form, giving way to a wall, obstructing distraction, in the form of a piece of poster board aside my desk. Lots of it may come. Some days I'm rolling along.

The most I've been at ease was during the thirteen hours without cable. It is odd for me to recount it. The sheer empty tones echoing the rooms delighted me ever so. I finally have an advantage point. Boredom would soon take over my siblings, to, maybe, if, gave the slightest chance of at least picking up a book for their interest. Gosh, would I want that again. Sadly, this was shaded.

The less I had, the more I was aware of what was available to me, and the more wholesome my thoughts become.

February 13, 201510:08pm

Vulnerability. Making the next step. These dreams I've been experiencing, they were all are linked by a factor that is not a mystery. It is, well, and will. 
 Over the past few weeks I have noted the more I am myself, the more I discover how thick the wall is between my soul, and the body that stands as the "middle man" from the real world. My dreams, all of them, had and have meaning. One of how as I watched a television program (and when has that happened), nearing the final minute a person was signing to the viewer, giving a little "demo" on that stuff we be missing. Later, opening my laptop, the only working computer in the apartment, I found that it signified how I wasn't effective in my communication of my ideas, that I must find another way about the roads.
Another vision, me on a lifeboat, on an ocean, with a cut-scene of a school bus, was flashed before my eyes.
"You are about to venture on an important life journey needed for your own personal growth.

2/7/15 Stage: It is telling of your interactions with society. You are putting up an act and not being who you really are.
2/5/15 Can: There is something in your past that you need to hold on to and preserve.

2/3/15 In this dream, I wandered into a facility seemingly like my middle school, only the inside showed no signs of desks, nor were there whiteboards and the likes of the objects associated with a common middle-class school. There wasn't even a light on. Instead, the place was similar to someone's big garage. Objects scattered the whereabouts. I could recognize a chair, a desk, a chalkboard, an office printer, with the rest being blurred but still within sight. Just immediately to my front upon entering the echoing and oddly warm room was a blue light. This candle was atop a machine, a robot perhaps, glowed in a soft brightness, curious to the surrounding environment. Upon stepping forth, a loud crack sounded. An eerie stillness swept the abandoned area, an approaching form waded in obscurity. The robot did not at first chase me. Slowly did it creep forward, and asked a straight-forward question: "Will you be coming?" In a frozen stance, I didn't respond, which in effect, turned the serene light ocean orb into a hurricane  trapped in a snow globe. Outside perched a lonesome bicycle, a little to the left of the staircase. I grabbed it, eventually switching to a car, stopping by a fast-food restaurant, met some friends, and rode along the highway, escaping the epidemic.

2/21/15
The When

There is a heart inside of a passed fellow. We all have had experience with one, and, because of that, it doesn't make us any less caring than the force that is put into its thought. Sometimes we may have to push boundaries to have balance in this world. While the others of those said minutes of wander may not be as functioning as the circumstance presents. What is in a social pleasing? It is not one's own gold to thrill his or her friends for only their nay-saying optimism, like the silent poison of sugar, gradually embellishing our very existing souls in lethargic modes. What is in a judgement? How can we be humans if we are not without it? If we are oblivious to it's crunch? How about a lighthearted will of an actual motive? I may be reflecting from my own, inner belligerence.

Its views scrutinizing.
Little do I know about the warmth of daisies, either. Make the essence stay, whatever left of a hamster's energy for now, at least.
  
 I am accustomed to the lead.
Suckling its knowledge, wisdom, scaring my inner desire to build a wall from its wrath. I currently pick my way out. Often I am seen walking in circles about with sunshine behind, my progress continues, and life goes on.  The more I express, the more clear things become. Everyday, I feel this same sense, to such an extent that I must write about it. As the day goes on, however, and the sun's light is shaded by mellow dramatic family and tones, it's as though my dream faded away. This morning's, along with the formidable one of a continuum. Sometimes I may grab at the hint of the memory of it. The next day, is but another to re-experience. So far, I've reached until half an hour until the glow dissolves.
2/20/15 Drawer: "To see drawers in your dream signify your inner and hidden state and being. In particular, a disorderly drawer represents internal chaos and turmoil while an orderly drawer signifies calmness. Alternatively, a drawer symbolizes your reserves. There is something that you have stored away, but are now ready to use or express. If the drawer is full, then it symbolizes your many resources. If the drawer is empty, then it denotes your need to fulfill your goals."
 Piano:To dream that you are playing a piano indicates a quest for harmony in your life. Consider where the piano is placed as a clue as to what aspect of your life needs accordance. If no sound is coming out of the piano, then it implies a lack of confidence. You are not sure about how to express yourself and how to voice your beliefs.
 Nephew:To dream of your nephew represents some aspect of yourself that you need to acknowledge or recognize within yourself.
Beaker: To see or use a beaker in you dream signifies your need to integrate various aspects of your life together. Alternatively, the dream represents logic and objectivity. Perhaps you need to try looking at a problem from a completely different perspective.

These dreams are so meaningful, I have a deep understanding of my own form, and may see significance in those of others.
Bubble gum machine:
To see a gumball machine in your dream indicates that you are searching to be whole again. You are looking for something or someone to complete you. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to be more in tune with the inner child within. 
  
I am a searcher, so it seems.

The following morning, I went out for a bite. It was comparable to seeing a thirty-year old at a community college. The place was older than my father, and from the inside it was clearer by the stained tiled ceiling almost directly above our booth, the grease stain rising in a solid yellow smoke decor on the kitchen to the left. People could pop-a-squat and see the mellow-dramatic cuisine be fortified right before their noses. Our waitress wore a white apron that hid a contrasting uniform, serving my aunt and I iced water. Whatever it was about the place, it had a classic style of a movie-like run-of-the-mill, patty-flipping diner. To my right, even the ketchup and mustard bottles were plain red and yellow. It just looked the way. 
On most of these practice sessions for my driving, I would be spoon-fed what was "good" at the restaurant of the week.  This occasion called for something a bit different than the usual omelet. Today was, although still dairy-related, were eggs, and a side of hash-browns. Waiting for the order, I decided to talk.
"Do you have any pictures of the computer?"
Her mind had a processing delay before it came with an answer. "Oh! I'd like to show you." She handed me the phone. "Just scroll-"
In short, the water spilled, I ate, wrote, telepathy was used, and I drove back home. 

 

2015, Final day of February
Strength

There is a force that calls me. It is a simple one that has held hope for me, like a friend that believes the introvert can share his mind with her. The form of the nightingale. Dreams. With every passing day, there is yet another one, and each one has a significance of yesterday's motives. All of those missed opportunities are reborn into broadcasts, gradually in drops, daily, to be seen in a new light. The times are growing old for the proposed changed of lifestyle. There seems to be a wafting essence of a coming tide, here and in others, about all the things that means the future's outcome. No more waiting. And that may bring up another aspect of a drive. Conflict. Just now I found out my little brother, the twelve year old, had stolen from my mother, but was framed early. I sigh. I know I can help them. My family has that one good egg of the fallen cartridge. And as with all malicious indemnities, there is a relief once it is paid. For now, that is over there. Where over there, I shall find out, or try to. There will be a river, through the lengths of the unknown, eventually.

Who's Year?

Come, come: Let's enjoy our
sun for now. Tomorrow will promise not another moment as of
this.

January 9, 2015

9:40pm

New Year's. It is a day of substantial roaring, cheering, and walloping, together with a sparkling beverage, celebrating a collective change of a single digit. A time of being, and a time of family. Worldwide is it recognized through some sort of significant trait, although various, whether it be through pessimism of why a single day to form a plan, in inquisition, or, to some simply have a neutral bar to it. The wait is over, so then arrives the vital next step, to a new journey.

...What new journey?

 No matter what happened on the feel-good dawn, I feel the same. Weird enough, I don't believe that I am at the subject of what could have been genuine authority to impose a rightful steer of events that soon may open itself on my way.  No door of opportunity has been opened from the moment the ball dropped, no revelations of a life-changing matter. Its a discerning piece, to say the least. The situation remains untouched. Still, the point I say is likely a common one, being it is to have a mental reverberation brought to sense again, trying at the life one has so longed and imagined as they watched the Man on the Moon or a sort of bragging television series to swank a person's hops and hots, is the intended aspect sought. This is not a milestone in it of itself! A birthday, first day with the team, a grand opening, may be, but a swap of a calendar won't say or be significant to the people in your circle. Just a reoccurring, spotty, belie of a show for a revolution of our planet. Out of concern, a likely candidate, ironically, is me. It's what my thoughts hold firmly.
And yet, I know it's a start to something. Good efforts cry when they are not recognized in the sorts that adds to the person's traits. So when a second (third, fourth, seventh...) chance of getting at that greater mobility is sought, why not have the best and let that new chapter commence in blight? Sure is helpful, I'd say.

So what am I doing as for a resolution? Why does this even matter to any pedestrian who looks here at my small thoughts, of a mild teenager? In my eyes, it shouldn't, and I believe, it won't be. The trajectory is a sharp one. To be open-minded, and seeking in a forward community. Specifically, its through a job, writing my book, an art business, scholastic vehemence, volunteering, and rising above the popularity staircase. Such a small list, I'm aware. Going above and beyond will add the rubber the goals so needed.

"When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal; you do not change your decision to get there."

-Zig Ziglar

Art update: My archive

So I had these lying around unnoticed and alone and thought about dusting them. Today was that day for doing that, so now I present to you, art.

Still life: Indoor autumn

Paper: White poster
Size: 12" X 18"
Media: Pencil, Charcoal

About: For this piece our class had to set up a table of grab-box objects. We had the chance to exchange what we had for another, ours was acceptable the way it was. Each of us drew it in different angles, not limited to only the outskirts of the desks. One group I remember, had someone stand on a chair, and did it from there. This piece had to be done outside of the social hour, with photographs to replace its setting. The background would not darken to satisfaction with the stick I currently was using.

Self Portrait: Thoughtful

Paper: White Poster

Size: 18" X 24"

Media: Colored Pencil, Pastel (only for the hair)

About: It's not a surprise that the first noticeable element shown here is the overlaying square of paper of my left eye. Not long after I began sketching, a spill horrifyingly moved in at the most inconvenient occasion of my available work days. So much, my teacher said "we can make this mistake into a happy one", considering how great innovators use incidents to their advantage. I thought and stayed thinking, wondering if a square would be that noticeable. But, to my insight, a friend thought of how "cool"  the edge gave to my portrait. I think I should stop working in the kitchen.

Negative drawing: Skull

Paper: Black construction paper

Size: 9" X 12"

Media: White Charcoal

About: This was the last assignment I had from the second installment of the art class, Studio Art II: Drawing. Relieving ourselves from the final project (self-Portrait), this served as a metaphorical day out in the sun for ice cream. I made two copies, one with more in-between values, the other this one, the one I kept. Several different choices were available to choose from, from sunflowers to vases, to a fish, to a marble on a barrel, to even a custom request.

From the very first day, when I raised my hand to depict the message within the photograph, to the hand going up the stair case, to both final projects, I learned an important lesson in the short year with her. There is more to the classroom than just the grade or the friends made, and one should not see the wall first before observing the room, meaning, opportunity is within the folds of every matter in life. When one goes out of his/her way to step back and realize the true potential within, think of it when traveling to a foreign country. The possibilities won't be unseen.

One week down

June 12th, 2014

Hmm, I would rather have some sort of class (not credit recovery) than to mope about in the isolated home of mine. School was out on Friday, and I have not done a major part to my bulked schedule that was for a new innovation. I hardly ever get the chance to socialize about my mind. Not even in art class, the pecks of this brain's creative side are losing its mass and muscle. How dune.
     Ugh, how would I if...
     I did get contacted for a job however, which brings hope for a better active social status. It was a day since, continually I see the hours go by. No it's too early, an hour later, they still might call... But the day is not over. It won't be.

June 11th, 2014

It was a slightly windy day. The grass combed its newly clipped hair as I make my way down the once-swiss-cheese hill. Over there, maybe one block west, was the special destination of today. In my unbuttoned white short-sleeved dress shirt, a heather-orange American Eagle T-shirt, worn-down denim blue jeans, and two brown casual shoes (Not as comfortable as the name suggest), I held the shirt at the chest, knowing this may turn in any direction. I was early to the appointment. I could have read the newspaper, but instead pretended to use my phone, when she arrived. There was a little legal pad on the round table next to the entry/exit way in its corner for two. I hadn't paid attention to her name, or asked. She wore a gray, light wool sweater, with a white shirt underneath. The personality words emitted a curve ball, which  wasn't too far off from my direction of aim. That day I felt a rock's weight lifted spiritually, and tossed into a pond. It was a sensation of commitment, that I can do this, that I am capable of accomplishing my goals of this summer, and life. On the way home, I came back, a little bit taller.

June 30th, 2014

No job. Not from Panera, Cub Foods, Rainbow, Target, Leann Chin, and am currently waiting for two. Sam's Club, Lund's and Byerly's, McDonald's, hey, wherever there is an available position, I'm in.

The new month of July

1:09am

I have to go to sleep now, but before I do, I'll say this: I did lack in a social life for so long, and I mean, what was I doing in that amount of time? Its like loc.... 

The white room.

Oh, how did I think of that when I made a somber fill-in of an artificial plan, that still, has not commenced. After five years now. Was it? Yes. Because I'll be a junior this fall. Maybe- no not  maybe, I will make videos to accompany these progression... blogs. Ugh, why do I dig myself in a hole too deep for my reach? I don't have the memory, ram, or space to even open my video editor, so I'll have to find a way around this.

Good day, gentlemen/ladies. I'll be up and out soon!

July 13th, 2014

11:01pm

With the day's counting down, (fifty from today), I spend the day jogging around the park and working on my storyboard for a show that I plan on making. Other than that I might read, draw, write, do chores, or go outside. Creativity is thinking with what you can do with what's available. Imagine you plan to redesign a room. Imagination is taking it in the least expected way. Imperfection is what perfect is based off of. Without imperfection, there would be no comparison made. Living in it, may come close. 

     I also managed to sketch (and finish it) in my sketch book. My little brother also did that too. On comparison, I made a joke by saying "I draw that, while you draw this". Oh, his interests. I wonder if he will draw another piece like that again. Some days I push him to, but for the least part, this is what gets him going. Both have the same bird.

Mine

His

Abstract built environment

I had to redraw this after a spilling accident. It took possibly eight hours total over the span of approximately two weeks to complete. This was for my art class, Studio art II: Drawing in North High School in Minnesota. I would have to say of the few I've personally showcased my artwork, this one, so far, has been a favorite. It still, however, could use some work. I rushed in the stairs and left wall to turn this in on time, making it incomplete in my opinion. There are several elements depict in it, and may I ask, what do you see in it?